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Longing for love is a normal, being desperate for love is not. 

Love is the human experience of heaven, and coded within every cell of your body is the desire for the love within you to meet love the outside of you. This is a path towards enlightenment, one that allows you to experience love as an embodiment as opposed to an abstract construct. The only way this can be achieved is if you learn to master self love.  If you can love yourself more than anyone else can, you will over flow with so much that it will attract the experience of true love to you.  True love is when you vibrate with so much love that you can raise your partner to experience more love.  It is not when you feel deficient of love and expect your partner to complete you.

Your partner is not responsible for your happiness.

Many years ago I expected my husband to complete me. I lived in the illusion that he was supposed to make me feel good, that he needed to fulfil me sexually, that he was supposed to make me feel beautiful and that he was supposed to make heaven in my life.  For years I was left feeling completely unloved because I was expecting him to do what I was supposed to do.  For years I felt lonely in a relationship, and often thought he was not the right one. As a result I stopped trying to make the relationship work.

Years before my husband I was in a relationship that was completely destructive and abusive.  I intuitively knew he was completely wrong for me, but I was desperate to be loved.  I suffered with so much low self worth that a scrap of his love made me feel happy even though I was yelled out.  I clung to him hoping he would change because I was  too insecure to be without him.  He made me feel worse about myself, scrambled my identity and I was constantly readjusting myself to make him feel happy.  The more I needed love from him, the more he would control me.  The more he controlled me, the more I felt ashamed of myself. Even though I knew he was treating me badly, I stayed for months because I was after scraps of love. That was all I was worth.

Both of this relationships have taught me that I had to learn to complete myself with love first.  If had known how to do this when I was 20, I would have avoided the abusive relationship completely. If I had known about it in the early years of my marriage I would have been able to raise my relationship into a higher realm instead of blaming my husband for being inadequate.

Eventually I realised I had been stuck in an illusion that someone else was going to complete me.  This realisation made me aware how lonely I was inside and that my years of low self worth had made me feel like I was empty inside.  When I recognised this I cried for hours and I became aware that a relationship was never going to complete me.  I knew this because my husband loved me so much and yet I could not feel his love because it was never enough.

I knew if I was going to be happy, I had to take myself on a self love journey.

I knew I had to heal this great wound inside of me.  I tried looking at myself in the mirror and say ‘I love you’ but it always felt empty. I wrote positive affirmations about the new person I was going to be, but that also felt empty.  I did some self healing, and that worked for a bit but the deep need to be loved would not go away.

It wasn’t until I had an awakening in the rainforest that the I realised the missing piece to my self love pilgrimage. I think the universe heard my prayers because something very magical happened and it change my understanding about how you can truly experience of self love.  

I discovered that if I cultivate my sexual energy to move up through my body and connect to my heart  I could complete myself. 

This might sound strange, but your sexual energy is a sacred life force. On a basic level it is used for procreation, on a higher level it will help sublimate your sexual energy into spiritual energy to connect your energy body to the heavens.  But before that alignment can happen, your sexual energy needs to unite with the heart.  I call this the divine inner marriage and it is a state where you sexual energy fuels the love in your heart to exist more.

To have your heart bursting with love is an exquisite experience, you may have felt that when you first fell in love with a partner.  But to have your heart bursting with love because you are supporting yourself, is the experience of self love – not as an abstract concept but as an embodiment. When love burst through your heart chakra, it will overflow to fill all the energy pathways in your body. Love will circulate through you and this will provide a warming sensation of contentment and you will have no choice but to feel happy in your body.  When you feel happy in your body, you are kinder to yourself, less critical, more encouraging and you become more and more proud of your uniqueness.  

Self love is an essential path that no one can avoid if they truly want to fell happy, abundant, joyful and in love with life.

It is crucial if you are on the spiritual journey and a must if you want healthy relationships. Self love will change the way you relate to yourself, your body and to life.  It is a gateway to bridge heaven down to earth, and the key that will unlock miracles to occur more often.  Self love will raise your self worth and will teach you that you always deserve a better life.  Self love will help you to fall in love with yourself so much that you will fall in love with life. 

The only way I can help you begin this journey into self love is by doing a guided embodiment exercise.  It is by having the physical experience of uniting your sexual energy with your heart that you will experience a divine inner marriage and your journey into self love will begin.

By Vanya Silverten.

About Anna Kitney

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